My walls are naked because money

So I am basically broke now. I’ve got my eye on several possible wallpapers, none of which I can currently afford. I do have a plan, however. Not for getting more money, that’s clearly impossible. For hanging wallpaper without getting any wallpaper paste involved. And without buying removable wallpaper, which is pricey as fuck.

I could paint, of course. God, I’m lazy. I wasn’t always so averse to the idea of exerting myself to do the interior decorating, but I’m still a little traumatized by the massive amount of painting involved in getting my condo ready to sell last year. It’s not the painting that bothers me: it’s the getting ready to paint that bothers me. Tarp everywhere, somehow paint still gets on everything, and I hate putting up painter’s tape with a fierce passion.

red on red damaskNaturally, my plan starts with putting up painter’s tape. A friend who knows a set designer shared a brilliant idea with me: put up painter’s tape, then put up heavy-duty double-sided tape, and attach the paper to that.

Yes, with the taping, I can see how this would not necessarily be an improvement over painting. You only have to do it once, at least. The multiple coats in painting always just bum me out.

But also, wallpaper is just so pretty. My dream wallpaper is a red-on-red textured damask. I’d also go for brown-on-brown textured damask, but the red would be ideal. There’s a bar in Arlington with one table that’s in a little cubbyhole (I love cubbyholes) with red-on-red textured damask wallpaper. I just want to rub my face on it. The bar patrons — and owners — and pretty much all sane people in the vicinity would probably object. But it would look divine in my lighting. Oh, with candle sconces, can’t you see it? I’m a little short of breath right now.

Of course, there is no great mystery about where this design aesthetic comes from, for me. I’m sure its roots are complicated, and would be interesting to trace down the line a bit, but for me, this is just my attempt to crawl inside the tortured womb that is Sleep No More.

sleep no more dining room photo

Photo retrieved from

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